is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
