it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
