She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
