so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
