Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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