oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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