I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
