My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
