UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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