Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.

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  (517): he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night. (231): better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you. http://tfl.nu/vawi
  Replies (3) Good night (845) Bad night (2048)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited

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  (413): I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited http://tfl.nu/vv7z
  Replies (31) Good night (7354) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

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  (806): My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do. http://tfl.nu/5eg0
  Replies (18) Good night (1187) Bad night (3647)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

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  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
  Replies (73) Good night (7536) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.

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  (407): I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk. http://tfl.nu/exk9
  Replies (25) Good night (6597) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

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  (315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever. http://tfl.nu/p80i
  Replies (11) Good night (8717) Bad night (1086)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

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  (614): My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex (1-614): You and your mom would make an amazing tag team http://tfl.nu/l8wh
  Replies (23) Good night (8092) Bad night (1308)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.

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  (+44): You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/2spc
  Replies (12) Good night (4151) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.

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  (361): Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war. http://tfl.nu/2o17
  Replies (8) Good night (1647) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".

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  (610): Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember". http://tfl.nu/q5o1
  Replies (4) Good night (2009) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?

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  (908): I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember? (610): Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead? http://tfl.nu/yv69
  Replies (13) Good night (1294) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.

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  (902): I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms. http://tfl.nu/obep
  Replies (7) Good night (1352) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.

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  (760): I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite. http://tfl.nu/b3g6
  Replies (1) Good night (1341) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?

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  (301): Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with? http://tfl.nu/cqjc
  Replies (18) Good night (359) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW

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  (408): I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW http://tfl.nu/h958
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (305)

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