Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
