I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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