D3 body, D1 cock
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.