just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
