her vagine was all disorganized.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I just sharted jello shots
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
