I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
