Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
