You just made me feel so damn special
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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