u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
