cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
