i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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