my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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