I heard we made out
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
