His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
