Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
