i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
