I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
