Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
