I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
