R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
