at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i believe in u and ur pee
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