I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
