We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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