I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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