You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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