I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
