That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
