is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
