i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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