Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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