If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
