I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
