my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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