How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
