So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
