Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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