yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
