I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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