Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish I could teleport
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
