do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
