is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
