the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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