I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
