I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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