Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
