we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
