guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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