Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
