I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I am morally bankrupt
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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