Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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