Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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