He uses pillows to masturbate.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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