Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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