I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
