OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
