Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She has the best kind of daddy issues
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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