hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
