woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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