I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
