i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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