this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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