Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
