ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
