I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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