One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
