and you said cock pushups were impossible
our cab driver is having phone sex.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
