i love accidental penises.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
